Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
