her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
