I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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