She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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