apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
