What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
