just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
