How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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