2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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