I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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