her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
