my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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