Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
