either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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