So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
