it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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