I'm going to jail i love you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
