Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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