You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize