I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
