Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
