I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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