His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
