I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
