you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
