I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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