we're blogging at a bar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
