Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
FUCK WHALES
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
