just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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