Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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