I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
