Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
