Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
