I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
