I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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