yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
