question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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