I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
