It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
