OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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