Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
