filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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