Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
