3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
