just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
