do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
