tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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