I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
