My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
