You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude i'm inner monologue high
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
