We got so high we made milksteak
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just found puke in my bra..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
