HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize