Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
