when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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