It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
