Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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