He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
