I hate your face
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
