Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
