Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
