I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
