He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
