On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
PANTIES FOUND
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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