The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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