You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
