We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
