A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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