its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize