Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
