She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize