you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize