So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
