I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
