Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
