I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
