he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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