like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
