I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
