Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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