STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
