so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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