i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
