I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize