I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
