ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
