I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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