WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
