Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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