I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
