im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
