I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize