I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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