I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
