Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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