it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
