if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize