Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
