Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
