RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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