How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
