I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
