I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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