i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
