How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
