He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
