Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
