I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
