How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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