True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
