The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize