So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
