Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
