um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
