the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
