This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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