im drinking this country out of the recession.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
